When you purchase a game titled Date Everything, you already know what kind of experience you're signing up for. You're not interested in dating just humans or sticking to one category—you want to date everything. And that includes anything from abstract ideas like nightmares to the more concrete items sitting in your fridge.

One of the Dateables available is Parker Bradley, who literally represents board games. Since most board games require at least two players, when the game itself becomes a person, you technically have both participants needed. However, just like many board games, a lot of what happens with Parker depends on luck.

How To Meet Parker

Unlike nearly all other Dateables in the game, Parker isn't available from the start. He's locked inside the attic, which can only be accessed once you find the key. Naturally, the key has gone missing. To get into the attic, you need the Skeleton Key, which belongs to Keith. Keith is hiding in the crawlspace, accessible through the boiler room behind your office—just move the mat covering the trapdoor.

Once you obtain the key, you can finally open the attic door, where several new Dateables reside. Parker is among them, but he's trapped inside a box filled with board games. There are multiple boxes in the attic, some leading to Beau, Lady Memoria, and Holly. Parker's box is nearest to the entrance and located right beside the plastic plant, Prissy Plastique.

After awakening him, Parker will be ecstatic, thrilled to finally have someone to play games with after being sealed away for so long. After a quick introduction, he'll ask you to return soon to take part in a series of board games as a way to win his affection.

Beating Each Of Parker's Board Games

Following your first interaction with Parker, he explains that to earn his love, you must beat each of the board games he has lined up. This process is somewhat tricky because you don’t always have full control over the outcomes. Some games truly rely on chance, though others do allow you to showcase your skills.

Each victory earns you a point toward his affection, while every loss adds a point toward dislike. Your dialogue choices during these interactions don't influence this outcome. Focus on winning, not impressing.

Here’s how to defeat each of Parker's board games and stand a chance at earning his affection.

Sandy Kingdom

Sandy Kingdom is the first game you play with Parker—it plays similarly to a straight-line version of Monopoly. There are 12 spaces to traverse, and whoever reaches the finish line first wins. Parker lets you choose your token, although it doesn't affect gameplay—especially since you can't actually see it.

Throughout the game, your primary action is to spin. Whatever number appears determines how many spaces you move. Each space has its own effect, such as moving forward, backward, or staying put. These effects are random for both you and Parker, and you can't directly manipulate them. You simply have to work with what you’re given.

However, there are two additional options. You can make Parker remove an article of clothing, making him increasingly flustered during the match. While this doesn’t change much mechanically, it gives you a better opportunity to cheat. Once during the game, you can choose to sneeze instead of spinning, allowing you to reposition the pieces. Place yourself just one space before the end, ensuring your next spin guarantees victory.

Chess

Chess is the second challenge offered by Parker, and thankfully this one relies more on skill than randomness. You don’t need to be a chess expert to win—just enough knowledge to understand how to capture his King.

To win, play honestly and aggressively. Allow Parker to take one of your Pawns to open a path in his defense. This creates an opening for you to approach his King and deliver a checkmate quickly.

As long as you maintain an offensive strategy, Parker should be easy to defeat. He tends to play passively, so putting pressure on him early puts him at a disadvantage.

Dairy Maker

The final game centers around industrial competition—a European-style board game that seems quite complicated based on your character’s reaction. Luckily, you don’t really need to grasp the rules, since they aren’t clearly defined.

At the beginning, Parker offers you the choice between playing as France or England, while he selects Belgium. If you try to pick Belgium too, he’ll assign you either France or England instead.

The trick to beating Parker lies not in strengthening your own nation, but in disrupting his progress. By observing Belgium’s strategy early on, you’ll notice he focuses on producing and selling dairy products, while France and England lean toward military strength. Despite seeming counterintuitive, switch your focus to dairy production as well.

Initially, your progress may lag since your nation isn't built for dairy production, and Parker might seem ahead. However, if you persist, you’ll eventually surpass his output. Although your product quality might not match his, the sheer volume allows you to dominate the market entirely.

Parker will eventually admit defeat, and you’ll come out on top. Other strategies may exist, but this method is the simplest way to win.

The Results

Once you've completed all three board games, you must speak to Parker again. Earlier, he mentioned that your relationship status isn't determined by your decisions, but rather by the roll of dice. So, you can't explicitly choose to fall in love with him. Still, winning helps.

With Chance's help, custom-weighted dice are used to determine the result, factoring in your previous wins and losses, along with how often Parker caught you cheating. Before rolling, Chance even comments on which outcome appears more likely—but that doesn't guarantee the result.

Once the dice are rolled, you receive your ending with Parker—and that ending is permanent.

How To Change Your Relationship Status With Bradley

So, you’ve beaten all of Parker’s games. Maybe even all of them perfectly! But he still ends up disliking you. You're probably wondering if there's a way to fix that. Unfortunately, no. Since the result is literally left to chance, the ending you receive cannot be altered, unless you use a candy.

Like in Sandy Kingdom, while the result is partially influenced by your past victories, the actual determination happens after the last game, not during the final conversation. Therefore, if you want a different ending, you’d have to go back before finishing the final game and try again for a better result.

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